As I am continuing to heal from years of battling depression, I reflect on the many places my feet have landed – symbolic of the places my mind has been…the uncertain, yet hopeful times I felt like I was losing my mind. I also recall the times I felt empowered and strong. I reflect on the times when my feet and my mind were in sync and out of sync. When I was brave and when I felt lost…afraid, yet out of touch; needful and at the same time independent.

Funny how I was in touch with reality, but out of touch with my purpose and how I would add value to my life or the lives of those entrusted to me.

Depression was always a voice of deception and mortality, beckoning me to believe I was closer to an end than to a beginning; closer to a finish than to a start. My mountains were literal and also imagined because although I was always a dreamer, I was also intimidated by the size of my own dreams and frightened by the possibility of being rejected again.

Over time my feet and my mind led me to a place of green pastures, and although I didn’t lay down there as the 23rd Psalm said I would/should, I did realize there existed such a place. Outside of my cave called depression, I would often visit a green valley. A place where things did work out as I had hoped or intended–or as God had intended.  Have you ever been to a place that you knew existed, a place you could tangibly feel, smell, and see, but believe deep down inside was for someone other than you? I’ve been there many times… even got the T-shirt.

It’s easier to believe the bad things than the good things sometimes. Wonder why that is? As I continued to find my footing over the years and through the different life experiences, and yes, in times of healing, I learned how much influence water has on my personal wellness journey. I think I love my water footing the best because it  reminded me of the time I was a little girl and lived inside my bubble of deafness…maybe it was my place of familiarity, not necessarily of safety, but it was a place I knew well. It was my first place of empowerment (ironically) because I chose not to live there anymore when I decided at age eight to never use sign language again. I was in charge and even at a young age, I knew I was in a destiny fight. Saying no to sign language gave me control over my boundaries to some extent–this decision felt as good as the water that covered my feet and even my mind. ARE YOU GUARDING YOUR BOUNDARIES EFFECTIVELY? The warmth, the fluidity, the freedom of water…yes…I need that kind of freedom.

And finally, now I welcome the fire. It seems like all I ever face anymore is fire! {I know you feel me} By taking the mask off and putting some light on this topic I am stronger than ever before, but I know there is always (waiting to prepare me ) a refiners fire not only for my feet but also for my mind; the type of fire that will not only allow me to live a life of wholeness, but a fire that will help me burn with compassion for others in the fight for freedom with a voice that rings loudly, a compassion that burns deeply, helping you to know…you are not alone.

You too, will find your footing and your mind will be whole!

Share your story of holding on. How did you make it?

Until next time, hinds feet unto you!

Demetrice XoXo